Tuesday, December 13, 2005

December 13, 2004

This time last year, I had decided that I was going to call my OB's office and ask them about the 4 days of spotting I'd been having. I was 11 weeks pregnant (in my first pregnancy) and a little worried about the spotting; but all my materials said that as long as it wasn't flowing and there wasn't cramping, I was fine.

Around 8:30 am, I called the office and a nurse called me back right away. I told her my situation and she said not to worry. Unless I started bleeding heavily or clotting. And then I should go immediately to the emergency room.

Thirty minutes later a bathroom break brought me to tears (at work). I called my mom and had to compose myself enough so that she could understand me. Lots of bleeding, clotting. She said, "Well, I guess you should go to the emergency room."

One of my coworkers took me to the hospital that's right around the corner and I called TC on my cell and told him what was happening and where I was going.

He got there just as they were admitting me to the ER. They had a crappy ultrasound machine, but the two nurses were very nice and tried to do everything to make me comfortable. Fortunately, I wasn't cramping at that point, so that was helping. The doctor decided that I needed a better ultrasound so, since I did not have a full bladder, it was determined that I needed a catheter. I would not wish that on my worst enemy! I was pushed up to another floor where I was going to get an internal ultrasound. It actually wasn't too bad. But, the technician wouldn't tell me anything about what she was seeing. She said that only the doctor could answer my questions.

I was wheeled back down to my ER room (you know, going over door thresholds with a catheter in is not a plesant experience). Eventually, one of the nurses came in and removed the wreched plastic tubing and I felt much better about that. The doctor came in shortly after and said that they did find a baby on the ultrasound, but no heartbeat. From the size of the baby, they ascertained that the baby had died around 8 weeks. I was pretty composed in the hospital, but when I had to call my parents and my sister, I lost it. And I had to watch my poor husband cry on the phone to his mom. He had to call his mom back and assure her he was ok...he felt silly for crying. What a goober.

My OB's office scheduled a D&C for the next day since it had been three weeks-ish that I carried a baby that was no longer viable. Ok. I called work and told them I wouldn't be back in and that I was taking off the next day and we'd see from there.

We spent that afternoon lounging around the house. Then the cramping started. It didn't actually register until much later that the cramping was probably very similar to labor. If I'd have had any sense, I would have timed the cramps or something. TC was very worried about me and upset that he couldn't do anything to help me feel better. Much later, I decided that my idea about a natural childbirth might not be the best idea. Some drugs might be ok...

Around 10:30 pm, the cramps got worse and I finally passed the sac. I had TC call the OB on call and he suggested a trip to the ER again. Great. I was in an old t-shirt, no bra, my pajama pants and slippers. Definitely not "out in public" wear. I got a jacket and off we went...

A very nice nurse gave me an IV with some pain medication. I had no idea how fast medicine would work when it went directly to your blood stream. I felt much better instantly. Most of that visit, I was sleepy and just glad that the worst part was over. They did wheel me up to another floor for an ultrasound just to make sure I had passed everything. The technician tried the abdominal ultrasound and then apologized because she was going to have to do an internal ultrasound. I immediately cringed because I thought this meant another catheter. When she came back in, I told her that I was trying to relax and hopefully this wouldn't hurt as badly as the last one. Then she asked me to help her guide "it" in. What? I can't put in a catheter!! The I realized that all she had was the internal. Whew! I can handle those no problem!

She was much more talkative. We checked the blood flow in my ovaries and all was good. I also had a little tissue left, but she and the ER doc were both sure I'd pass that soon.

I was given methergine to halt the bleeding and some pain medication in case the methergine gave me cramps. Mom said that I'd need the pain medication because methergine basically clamped off the area and it would hurt. Well, I showed them! No pain in that area. Probably due to all the pain I was in earlier. TC drove me to Walgreen's about 3:30 am and filled the prescriptions and when we got home, I promptly fell asleep.

TC called the doctor the next morning and they had gotten the update from the ER doctor. I didn't need the D&C. I should just keep my appointment I already had scheduled at the end of the week.

TC called some other friends and gave them an update on what was happening. We got some flowers from my parents and some flowers from our Sunday School class. TC fielded all the phone calls for the next few days and only let a few through...my parents, sis and our preacher.

Through it all, I learned that I have an excellent support network. There were plenty of people that would let me talk about what happened (and in graphic detail...thanks sis!) and I think that helped with the healing process. People that were mere acquaintances started telling me that they also miscarried and went on to have healthy children. It was nice to know that others could empathize.

I also learned how incredibly strong TC is. He was wonderful through the entire thing and was constantly asking how I was doing, letting me tell him the same stories over and over and basically being a wonderful source of strength.

So, here I am a year later and my Little Pebble is kicking the snot out of my ribs! How wonderful to be blessed with this little one. I can't wait to meet him or her! I'm blessed to be with such a wonderful man, blessed to have a caring family, blessed to have come into such wonderful friends here at home and others not nearby.

Even though the miscarriage was a very difficult thing both physically and emotionally, I was shown so many blessings that I can only believe that this is all a part of God's grand plan for my life. I'm excited to see where He takes me!


^starshine said...

(Through the weepy tears...)

Hugs to you little lady!!

Sarah, Cayley and Maddie said...

I'm so sorry you had to experience the pain of a miscarriage, but so happy that on this anniversary you have your Little Pepple happily kicking away!

MommyLuv said...

Yes...miscarriages are awful! Been there, done that...TWICE!!!! However, we now have K and she is such a blessing -- you will feel the same about your Little Pebble. We love being PARENTS!!!