My daughter, the Breath-Holder

Doesn't that sound lovely? Buttercup has had two episodes in two weeks and this second one last night made me call the pediatrician this morning.

Two weeks ago Buttercup fell down (she and X-man ran into each other). She let out a scream and then...nothing. I picked her up and her face was still in "scream-mode" but there was no air going in or out.

Freaked me the heck out.

I whacked her on the back a few times, picked up the phone ready to dial 911 and she coughed, threw up on me and cried. Whew. I had never been so happy to see throw up! After that she was just fine. I figured that she just got choked on some phlegm since her nose was pretty runny.

Last night she was running around TC's legs and she tripped and bumped her head on the wall. I heard it from the kitchen and it didn't sound that bad, but I heard her scream. I asked TC to check on her and since he was right there, he said he was. Maybe a second later (seemed like a minute!) I asked him if she was breathing...I hadn't heard her cry other than that first wail. He said she wasn't. I put down the dishes I was washing and asked the same question again (just thinking about it right now is making my heart race) and he gave me the same answer. I think I made some outer worldly noise, grabbed the phone, and finally Buttercup whined and started crying and breathing again. My stomach was tied up in knots for the rest of the evening.

So this morning I called the doctor's office and related the above events to the nurse. She said she would talk to the doctor, but it sounded like breath-holding. She said she would call me back and let me know what he said.

Well, about an hour later, the Doctor called me back...not the nurse. We have such an awesome pediatrician! He told me that yes, this was called breath-holding and it wasn't like a child that gets mad and holds his breath. That's something totally different. This is just a strange reflex that some kids have and eventually they will grow out of it..."Not fast enough!" the doc said! He told me his own son had this when he was young and while it was definitely not fun to watch, the child would eventually start breathing again before any permanent damage was done. In fact, if she does pass out (Lord and Heaven help me) as soon as she passes out her nervous system will start the breathing again. These episodes usually happen after a hit to the head, a fall or something startling like that. The child just gets startled and the reflex is to stop breathing for whatever reason. Doc told me to just stay calm during these episodes and to not "feed" them by giving Buttercup extra/over attention after them. Obviously calm her and let her know that she's ok and someone's taking care of her. We don't want her to figure out that by doing this she gets secondary attention and then have her holding her breath on purpose.

I calmed down quite a bit after I talked to the doctor, but twice today Buttercup ran into something (one a doorframe and the other was the wall...what is up with kids walking forward and looking behind them?!?) and both times I held my breath waiting to see if she was going to freeze up on me. Thank the good Lord about that she didn't.

I have panic issues so I haven't googled this at all. I don't want to read any horror stories about breath-holders. That would only make matters worse for me. I don't even google symptoms that I think I might be having because you can get some wacky advice from Dr. Google!

So I would thank you not to post any comments with your horror stories of kids who had this or kids who held their breath in general. No freaking the momma out!!

I am so thankful for a beautiful family. My kids are my all and before kids I would have never known that I could let my heart walk around outside my body like that! I am thankful for so many things...I have been blessed many times over.

Hug your babies, your mammas, your friends and let them know you are thankful for them!!

I have a headache

What a day. And it's only noon.

X-man had his tubes checked this morning. And apparently his snotty nose has contributed to stuff getting in one of his ears and trying to clog up the tube.

My son has snot in his ears. I guess it's really mucus, but still. So now I have to clean all that stuff out of there so it doesn't dry and cause some other undiscussed peril.

What do I do to clean it up? You really wanna know?

1. I fill his ear canal with hydrogen peroxide and let it bubble. Then I turn his head and let that run out.
2. I fill his ear canal with nasal saline and let it sit for a sec (or 30) then let it run out of his ear.
3. Finally, I fill his ear canal with a nice antibiotic ear drop (that again, wasn't cheap).

And I do this three times a day...for three days!

Then we do just the antibiotic drops three times a day for three days. Then for the last four days, just the drops twice a day.

GAH!

The picture above is the state of my bed after round one of Project: Ear Flush. And I didn't even clean it up because I'm going to have to do it again this afternoon!

Then I ordered my contacts and they were way more expensive than what I was guessing. It's an off year for my insurance...they pay for a year's worth of contacts every other year.

And on top of all that, there is an opening at my church's Children's Day Out on Wednesday. That's the day I asked for because that works out great with a once-a-month luncheon I have to attend. I'm having a slight case of mamma guilt. But it'll be good for him (socializing with other babies)...and for me, too (errands on my own, the gym!, work meetings, lunch with friends!). So why is this nagging at me?

*sigh*

What was with that lady?

TC and I went to his company Christmas party last night. Nothing really blog-worthy happened except for one little trip to the cash bar.

Since I'm not breastfeeding anymore, TC informed me that I could have a "big girl" drink if I wanted. Well, I wanted, but I didn't because 1) I'd be asleep in 30 minutes and 2) I'd probably have a giant headache in the morning.

So I asked him to get me a Shirley Temple.

I know...real "big girl"-y.

He comes back with what looks like a tequila sunrise.

The bartender (do we really call her that after this?) put Sprite, orange juice and grenadine in my glass. Where in the heck did she learn how to make a Shirley Temple?!?

Crappy McCrappington

Yes, my friends, this is what I would call today...

• TC's in Seattle. That always gets me in a great mood. I know, I'm one of those wifeys that actually enjoys my husband's company and I do not look forward to a few days alone. Now, that may change in the future, but for right now, this chickie misses her hubby.
• I just started the inactive pills in my pill pack. Most of you know what that means so I won't even say it.
• I have a dang Ace-like bandage wrapped around my bosom. I'm trying to get these puppies dried up and at the same time, trying to avoid infection.
• I talked to a friend today and she was just Ms. Negative-Energy and that really bummed me out.
• The trash can is FULL and I DO NOT take the garbage out in the dark. I'll have to do that during one of X-man's naps tomorrow.
• X-man was in rare form today. Oh there was the occassional giggle and smiley moment, but there was alot of crying. Most of it when he was in the high chair and I was trying to feed him some chicken noodle dinner. He's probably having all kinds of issues leading to this, including but not limited to: ears might still be bothering him (in spite of being on day 7 of the antibiotic), tummy not feeling perfect since it's trying to digest formula instead of mamma's milk, picking up on the fact that I'm not exactly in the best mood.
• Unsolicited advice at choir practice from the lactation consultant. Ok, I went to choir practice essentially for the hour and a half of child care and for some grown up conversation. The LC asked me if I was still nursing and I kinda shrugged. She proceeded to tell me that it was supply-and-demand, I should nurse him all day if he wanted, and I should take him to bed with me and just let him nurse all night. Ok, this works for some people and if that works, I say go for it! If I thought I was making enough milk for the little guy, I'd still be nursing him!
  

That leads me to what I think my major point of anxiety is: I'm afraid I've done something terribly wrong by quiting the nursing cold turkey. Now, I know that this very topic could start a firestorm, but that's not what I'm going for. I'm also not going for people to tell me that I've done exactly the right thing (or conversely, tell me that I'm correct and I have completely screwed up at being mamma). I'm just saying that all these decisions as a mamma (or daddy...I know you're out there reading...in your rare spare moments when Mr. W is sleeping!) bring with them questions. I've just got to realize that as long as I'm not putting X-man in harm's way, I'm probably ok with my decision. And you can find people that are for or against most any decision you could want to make, anyway.

So, now that I've gotten that off my chest (along with the ace-like bandage, for the evening only), I'm going to crawl into my nice warm bed. And while a heated mattress pad is not a good substitute for a snuggle-buddy, it certainly does help to make the bed nice and comfortable.

And TC comes back Friday, so it's really only one more day he'll be gone. I can handle that...

Two Ear Infections and a Side of Guilt (no charge)

X-man had his 9 month check up today and it didn't turn out quite as good as I expected.

First, he's got an ear infection in both ears. Poor guy! When he was flapping his ears with his fingers, I thought he was just playing. Maybe that was him trying to tell me his ears hurt.

He's 27.5 inches long; 25th percentile for height.

At his 6 month exam, he was only 15 pounds...two ounces more than at his 4 month appointment. Of course, he had 4 weeks of rotavirus, so that was part of that problem.

Today he weighed 16 lbs 2 oz. According to his height, he should be around 19 pounds. The doctor said that if he were one pound lighter, we'd be worried. But now, we're not really worried, just want to make sure he gets plenty to eat.

We talked about his other developmental milestones and he is hitting all of them. The pediatrician asked me if I felt like he was getting enough milk when I was nursing. That's a pretty tough question if you ask me. I know that I'm not making much extra milk because I don't get a whole lot when I pump. And I don't have a gauge on my boob to tell me how much is leaving.

So I had a little (read that: big) mamma breakdown. I just took the whole weight gain issue too personally. The doctor never implied that I was doing anything wrong or that he questioned my mamma abilities. I did that to myself.

Oh, and then I got a summons for Jury Duty next month. There is no exception on the books for breastfeeding mothers or primary caretakers. I'm having my OBGYN fax in a letter saying when I delivered and how long I plan on breastfeeding. We'll see if that gets me exempt from Jury Duty. Not that I don't think it would be interesting, but TC can't take a week off of work to babysit and I don't know anyone else that would be able to watch Mr. X-man for that long. Sheesh. In Texas, breastfeeding moms are exempt!

Diva-me nicer

Ok, today's rehearsal (from 2:00-8:30 with an hour for dinner) was much better. It's amazing how the entire string section from our Philharmonic helped everything sound better. I wonder how much they're being paid.

And there is some major camera equipment going to be used for this deal.

ASH, I'll have to ask about the drinking song. Not sure which one that is! It's not like we're doing anything, from Carmina Burana!

Oh, and since I'm playing second flute/piccolo, I'm on the end of the row. Which puts me in prime viewing area for the roaming camera. Yes, sis, I've taken off my fuschia nail polish.

Diva-Me

I met the Diva-Me last night.

My church is hosting a big deal concert tomorrow and a group of musicians (if you can call them that) from all over the US have converged on our city. Our choir and church orchestra are interspersed in this group for a big combined deal.

Let me start out by saying I am competitive. But when it comes to playing the flute/piccolo, I'm uber-competitive. I fit the typical "flutist mold" of being catty. I know I'm good (and have a few things to back it up...Texas All-State Piccolo? Yep, one of seven in the state that year!), but I don't try to act all snotty and diva-ish. But last night just caught me off guard!

After last night's rehearsal, this concert seems more like a circus! First, there's the soloist whistler. Yes, he's whistling and we are backing him up. Then there's the guy that's going to conduct a piece he arranged and he conducts backwards! For those of you that know what I'm talking about, conducting with your right arm and in 4/4 time, try conducting doing beat 2 out to your right and beat 3 in to your left. That seriously put a short circuit in my brain! But this guy is apparently Big Man On Campus and no one has the calf fries to tell him he's not doing it quite right.

Now to the flute section. There are two ladies with this group. I understand that I'm coming into their turf, so I'll play second part...I may not like it, though. Can I tell you how long it's been since I've played with another flute playing in my left ear? Um...since grad school back in 1998. My Masters Degree wasn't in music so I didn't expect to be first chair. I digress...

I can't hear the lady that's playing first. Some of that is because she's two people away from me. Some of it's because she's NOT PLAYING! And don't even get me started on the second flute player. I'm in tune until she starts playing. She is not so good.

We were expecting a really good group.

Not so much.

So, at the rehearsal last night, I play the piccolo on one piece because I'm used to playing that part. After that, they just gave me all the picc parts. No sweat off my brow...that's what I'd rather play. I mean, it's an octave higher than the flute and it's usually playing in the stratosphere! Yahoo!

We go through the rehearsal and I learn that the guy conducting the rehearsal (not Captain Backwards) is the assistant conductor. The Maestro is Boris and he's sitting in the back listening to the rehearsal. I guess he's too good to do the grunt work? What's up with that? More weirdness.

After the rehearsal, the assistant conductor comes up to the flutes and says, "We didn't go over Stars and Stripes." I kinda noticed that. Then he says, "I will want the piccolo solo memorized." This is not unusual. Lots of groups have the piccolos stand or something during that part and we wail! In high school, we used to get all the flutes on piccolos during that part and we'd stand at the front of the stage and toot our little hearts out. Yeah, I've got that part memorized.

Oh, did I mention that I had the BAND part memorized? That's a totally different key than the ORCHESTRA part! Sheesh. Poor X-man and TC had to listen to me try to memorize it this morning. It is not a quiet part!

We have rehearsal all afternoon today...2:00 to 9:00 with an hour from dinner. When I first heard it was going to be that long, I wondered what we'd do with all that time.

Now that I've heard the group, I know that we'll need all that time so we don't sound like crap tomorrow.

When they tape the show.

To play on PBS stations around the country.

Nice.

Is it really that complicated?

I went out to dinner last night with 11 other girls from our Sunday School class. We had 5 August birthdays to celebrate! So, there are 12 of us and we stayed there for 2 1/2 hours. It's a good thing they weren't crazy busy!

Anyway, it took us 30 minutes to get all checked out and the poor waitress never did get it all straight. Having never been a waitress, I have no idea how complicated it is to put that many people on separate checks. But, I would imagine that it could get pretty confusing pretty quickly. What really caused the problem was that several girls paid for two meals (their own and one of the birthday girls' meals) but the waitress didn't realize that when she picked up the cards. So, one girl's card got charged for one meal but not the other. I never got charged for the cookie I got and another girl never got charged for the dessert she ordered.

I really do understand how that can be really frustrating for the waitress.

What I don't understand is this: The waitress came back to the table with several credit cards.

"Whose card is this?"

We all look at her and she holds up the credit card. One of the girls raised her hand. The waitress did the same thing with the next card.

Now, wouldn't it just be easier to read the name of the credit card and do it that way? I mean, there is a real identifying mark on those things!