Cautious Optimism

It's been about 30 hours since I got the positive on the pregnancy test. I've been through this twice before...the first time led to a miscarriage and the second led to my beautiful baby boy, X-man...who's not really a baby anymore. He is definitely a toddler.

And looking at my chart (which doesn't have any BBTs on it because I just can't remember to take my temperature in the morning) and when I got the positive OPKs, the due date is on X-man's second birthday. Yikes!

I took the test yesterday morning mostly out of curiousity. I got some very positive OPKs (5 days worth! Those Answer brands are way sensitive!) and so I had a good idea of when things were happening. Yesterday was two weeks from the first OPK and I really expected to see a negative. But after setting the test down on the counter, I checked the time so I would know when my three minutes were up. In that brief 20 seconds (was it even that long?) the digital test popped up with PREGNANT.

My heart about popped out of my chest! I took the stick to TC (who was still snoozing) and showed it to him. He said, "Is this a pregnancy test? Does that say 'Pregnant'?"

Poor guy just got jarred out of a nice slumber by my pee stick.

My parents were visiting for the weekend so I had to go down the hall to tell them. My mom didn't think I was excited. Yes I was excited! I was just also a little shocked. As in, this is the first cycle where we were officially trying. And I'll be danged if it didn't work! We also called my sister, TC's parents and his sister.

So, I've had a day to think about having two children. I've thought about how in the world I'm going to go to the store with two kids. Am I going to be able to handle breastfeeding a baby and entertaining a two year old at the same time? Is X-man going to be potty trained before Jelly Bean comes along (my guess is no). We're going to have to deal with sleepless nights again. We'll get to do this baby thing all over again!

After all of that runs through my head, I begin to list out the things that I should not be eating...raw fish (which I had several pieces on Saturday), deli meat (I forgot about that until half-way through my sandwich at lunch today), soft cheese (yep, blue cheese on my salad this weekend). And the list goes on. My peanut butter, honey and banana sandwich will have to go on a very long hiatus.

Then I think about how awesome I felt when I was pregnant. Sure I had sciatica, but I just carried my ice pack around everywhere. Sure I had heartburn, but I got that under control with medicine and the heartburn helped me to keep from gaining crazy weight (I only gained about 30 pounds when I was pregnant and lost all that plus some by X-man's 6-month day).

Now, I wait. My OB doesn't see new OB patients until 8 weeks in. And today I'm exactly 4 weeks. So, the first of July. And then we really need to wait until August to start telling our friends. I really want to get past that iffy stage.

So, Little Jelly Bean, please stick around. You'll really like your big brother and we can't wait to tell everyone about you!